I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
