i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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