I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
