He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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