Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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