is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
