Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
