my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
