She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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