the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
