I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
