I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize