i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
