I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize