i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
