Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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