I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
