about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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