I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Boobs are out for the taking
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
