She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
