I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
