chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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