I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
