I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
