Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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