I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize