I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
