I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize