Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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