Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
