I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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