she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
