forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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