if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i need some magic done to my vagina
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
