i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
