He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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