you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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