There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
