if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
