every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
