Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
