he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
