Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
