4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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