Apparently you make a good broom.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
