the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
