Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
