we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
