dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
