Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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