I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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