We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
