oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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