That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize