He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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