So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
