fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
