Pappa wants mamma naked
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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