So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
