I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
