I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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