It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
