the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize