No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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