shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
