I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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