That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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