as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
