Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
