He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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