I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
