Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
