Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize