you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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