I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
