My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
