saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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