Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
