I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
