I accidentally had phone sex last night
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My cat gives me a boner
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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