I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
