I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
