"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
