i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i think i just lost a toe
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
