Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
