you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
