She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
