so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
