i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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