I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How external is "for external use only"?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
