my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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