Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
