dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
