WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
