I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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