I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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