I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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