Hey man sorry I got all grabby
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
