Are we in a gay sports bar?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
