She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
