in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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