Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You need Xanax blowdarts
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
