Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
